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With the recent uproar of Tiger parenting style vs Western parenting style in the media. I have decided to mediated between these two and tell it how it really should be. Let's get a few things defined first. "Tiger" and "Western" are both terms that are used loosely. The term "Tiger" doesn't actually only pertain to Chinese mothers, but it encompasses the population that has an micro-management attitude towards child raising. On the other hand, "Western" does not necessarily only apply to your average Caucasian American, but towards those parents who raise their children with free will. For example, an Kim Wong Keltner (author of Tiger Babies Strike Back) is an Chinese mother, but is classified as an western parent. And the opposite can be said about an American mother who takes on the tiger mother persona.
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Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, was both scrutinized and praised for her philosophy of how the tiger parenting style is superior. In the book, she details her life and rehashes conversations word for word as she raises her two daughters. She depicts herself as an authoritative mother who forbids procrastination and non-productive activities that has no foreseeable impact on their futures. Such activities include sleepovers, hanging out at the mall, or daydreaming about life. These activities are later debated by Kim Wong Keltner, stating that they induce self-confidence, curiosity, socialization, and many more human emotions that cannot be taught by a book.
Before I get into my own rant about the whole tiger parent vs western parent ordeal. I want to shed some light on the book Tiger Babies Strike Back by Kim Wong Keltner. She published this book in response to the popularized Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, mocking it's integrity and inability to foresee the emotional damages Amy Chua is undoubtedly subjecting her two daughters to. Kim is determined to raise her child with more hugs and kisses than she was ever awarded with. She touches on the 3.2 GPA Chinese students that are pushed aside and treated as they were failures. She mentions how tiger parents produce robots, empty shells that look like human beings. Tiger babies often grow up starving for affection and searching for emotional connection. This can lead to detrimental lifestyle if not dealt with properly.
Amy Chua is obviously the superior writer between the two, but both authors are extremist in their philosophy. It's no accident that these two strong headed ladies ended up marrying an non-asian man. In traditional Chinese culture, the male is seen as the head of the household and the female is demoralized to be submissive. I highly doubt that these two amazing young aspiring woman will ever fall into that department. Any traditional asian man would have their head spinning just spending a few minutes with these two fierce commanding woman. I can only see their flames being tamed by a Americanized man, which held true for both Amy Chua and Kim Wong Keltner.
I am the third child of my tiger parents. I was lucky that I didn't get the brunt of the roar, but I still have my battle scars. As a child, I was forced to play the piano. Punished for every wrong note my fat little fingers hit. Slapped on the wrist for every tune I emphasized incorrectly. Scolded for every time I wanted to I didn't put enough emotion in the piece I was playing. Um... Mom... What emotion? You taught me to be tough! You taught me to never cry, to never show weakness, to never be affectionate. This is where the knife of tiger parenting begins to draw blood.
Freshman year of college, I was self-sufficient in time management, living on my own, and was able to support myself. I didn't need mom anymore. I didn't even miss her. I wasn't like my roommates who called their moms every night saying they're homesick or missed all the things they took for granted. Not me. I was ecstatic to be away from home. I studied hard, worked even hard, and never went to an single party in my whole college career.
But what I couldn't do was socialize. I couldn't make the connections needed in life. I couldn't talk to my superiors or my colleagues about.... well anything! I was shy and kept to myself. While it was hard for me to make new friends in college, I didn't realized I craved affection that I held onto the first boy who made me feel special. I held onto the feeling of love and affection even though the relationship was an dead-end.
The point I'm trying to convey here is that Amy Chua and Kim Wong Keltner are both correct, but wrong. Young children do not know the meaning of hard work and will continue through life with this attitude if not taught properly. There needs to be a middle ground for parenting. While balance is one of the hardest thing to find in everyone's life, there needs to be an attempt. Tiger Mothers, Let's tone it down. While others, Let's bump it up! Children need to be taught hardship, time management, and perseverance along with self-confidence, communication, and human emotions.
Human emotions? What do you mean? A lot tiger babies grow up like robots. We work well and follow directions even better, but we are unable to communicate our ideals, feelings, and opinions. As adults, we walk through life refusing to show our weaknesses and emotions to even our closest friends. We desperately avoid confrontation. When we are faced with an altercation, we profusely apologize for causing a ruckus and hope it's enough (even if it's isn't our fault).
Amy Chua taught her children perseverance and hard work, to never give up on something just because they hit a bump on the road. Kim Wong Keltner taught her child to have a voice, to speak up and not be afraid ask questions. All of these qualities are essential for an successful future. Most tiger babies are stereotyped as passive shy quiet people, which for the most part is true. We are taught to shut up and do our work. Any disturbances or outbursts are met with severe punishment and disgrace.
What's the obvious solution here? Combine tiger parenting with western parenting! Now does that mean an tiger parent should marry an western parent? Or should partners meet in the middle of tiger parenting and western parenting. Both! This is why America is the melting pot! This goes into the rant that I would never date an Asian man. There's no need for two tiger parents nor is there a need for two western parents. This is the beauty of America, we have such a diverse population to pull pros from and leave the cons behind. Why are we pointing fingers and arguing who's better? Let's blend our cultures to be the evolved superior race that rest of the world believes we are.
This is just another rant from Yet Another Angry Asian Girl.
The point I'm trying to convey here is that Amy Chua and Kim Wong Keltner are both correct, but wrong. Young children do not know the meaning of hard work and will continue through life with this attitude if not taught properly. There needs to be a middle ground for parenting. While balance is one of the hardest thing to find in everyone's life, there needs to be an attempt. Tiger Mothers, Let's tone it down. While others, Let's bump it up! Children need to be taught hardship, time management, and perseverance along with self-confidence, communication, and human emotions.
Human emotions? What do you mean? A lot tiger babies grow up like robots. We work well and follow directions even better, but we are unable to communicate our ideals, feelings, and opinions. As adults, we walk through life refusing to show our weaknesses and emotions to even our closest friends. We desperately avoid confrontation. When we are faced with an altercation, we profusely apologize for causing a ruckus and hope it's enough (even if it's isn't our fault).
Amy Chua taught her children perseverance and hard work, to never give up on something just because they hit a bump on the road. Kim Wong Keltner taught her child to have a voice, to speak up and not be afraid ask questions. All of these qualities are essential for an successful future. Most tiger babies are stereotyped as passive shy quiet people, which for the most part is true. We are taught to shut up and do our work. Any disturbances or outbursts are met with severe punishment and disgrace.
What's the obvious solution here? Combine tiger parenting with western parenting! Now does that mean an tiger parent should marry an western parent? Or should partners meet in the middle of tiger parenting and western parenting. Both! This is why America is the melting pot! This goes into the rant that I would never date an Asian man. There's no need for two tiger parents nor is there a need for two western parents. This is the beauty of America, we have such a diverse population to pull pros from and leave the cons behind. Why are we pointing fingers and arguing who's better? Let's blend our cultures to be the evolved superior race that rest of the world believes we are.
This is just another rant from Yet Another Angry Asian Girl.
